ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
