No stitches, just platelets and will power
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
