I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
