EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize