I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
