Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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