what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
