Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
