the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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