; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize