Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
