me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
