Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
