forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
