So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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