Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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