please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
