I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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