Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
