Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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