Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
