I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
