You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
