you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
