no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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