if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
