Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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