I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize