Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
