When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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