wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
