Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
