i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
