it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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