Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
