someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
