just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
