The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
