I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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