Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
