we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
