No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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