When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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