i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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