Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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