His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
