The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
