My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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