Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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