I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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