don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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