You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
where does the pee come out of this thing
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
