Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
