It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
