I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
