Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize