This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
