STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize