our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
