Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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