Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
