Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize