My cat gives me a boner
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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