I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize