I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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