Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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