i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think I am morally bankrupt
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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