There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
