Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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