I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
