I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
