I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
What a dumb baby whore.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
