so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
