Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
