I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
